Friendship. Benefits. & That Pesky Universe.

     People ask me why we aren't together, why I don't want to be more than friends. I usually respond with various excuses describing our relationship as nothing more than friends (with benefits (for my mother's sake I don't describe that part)). I don't admit to how fond of your warm body I am either, the way you sheepishly curl up to me, unsure if I will accept this intimacy. I can't tell what it is I like about sleeping together, the warmth, the comfort, or if it's just you. Plain old you. My 8th grade playmate. My 9th grade kissing instructor, my 10th grade drinking instructor, and 23 year old friend (with benefits). 

     We play phone tag all day trying to meet up before you go back to Seattle while I stay in our home town. We finally hear each others voices but you have already left. I tell you I've just finished moving into my new place and when the line cuts out I tell myself I'll call you tomorrow. I start putting dusty books on shelves and a picture of us together at graduation falls out of one of my favorite books, "Smoke Jumper". We weren't meant to meet today and I wonder why the universe kept us apart and why this picture fell out of a book I haven't read in years. In the photo we are 18, irresponsible, wide-eyed, and full of the motivational speeches we've been hearing for the last year. We chose different paths but somehow we've met somewhere close to the middle. The universe is funny that way. So I sit down and start going through the many pictures of my teenage years and set aside my favorites of us. Prom, Prom again, graduation, snow days, rafting, and then one you took of me covered in mud after a bad start to a monday morning. My roommates girlfriend plops down next to me and tells me that you and I are the people in the movies that end up getting married. I dont argue and I don't agree, instead I smile politely and decide I'll call you back now instead of tomorrow. The phone rings, no answer. The universe is funny that way. When I crawl into bed I laugh out loud at the thought of you in a tux and I in a frilly white dress and I can't picture you in anything but your nikes, and that's what you wear to our fake wedding. You would tease me to no end if you knew what I was thinking about. But I think you would also say that Nikes look fine with a tux, I would roll my eyes and you would say that marriage is disgusting and I would reply, "yah marriage is for the birds".